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Author Archives: wpfaffenberger

Hugging Grandma Again…

Hugging Grandma Again…

…could be dangerous.  I’d give my grandma such a big hug after not getting to do it for a year that I might snap her bones into dust.  Just be careful that you don’t hug-murder your grandma – especially after she survived Covid.  MORE

If You Had That Butt Flap…

If You Had That Butt Flap…

…you know, like in old-timey underwear… If you had that butt flap, would you use it to poop OR would you still feel more comfortable pulling your pants all the way down to poop?  See, I never use the wiener-hole in my underwear to pee, I just pull the elastic down to assure plenty of…MORE

Elastic Waisted Jeans…

Elastic Waisted Jeans…

…would be badass.  A nice wide soft waistband too.  Still jeans though – that look and act like jeans – just with a soft stretchier waist.  Why hasn’t this happened?  MORE

Why Isn’t There…

Why Isn’t There…

…a fuggin’ Mosquito Vaccine.  How many of you would get that shiz immediately?  Right?  Imma go eat a citronella candle.  MORE

Still Eating…

Still Eating…

…EASTER CANDY!  How long will this sugar train last?  Damn, #blessed.  Gonna stretch these jelly Bs and Cadburys to Mother’s Day.MORE

Relations Moves…

Relations Moves…

…are hard to make up.  All of them have been done before and are pretty much perfectly named.  What if you just rubbed butts together?  Could call it, um…  “Freaky Cheeky,”  “Tushy Pushy,”  “Buns-In Burner,”  “Trunk Dunkin,”  “Givin’ Two Sits,”  “Push It Real Glute,”  “Fast-Assin’”  – any winners here?MORE

You Gotta Add…

You Gotta Add…

…Mac Sauce and Bacon to your next McDonald’s sandwich.  Thank me later.MORE

I Keep Confusing…

I Keep Confusing…

…the phrases, “Booty Call” and “Butt Dial” – My phone accidentally called my boss, and when I finally heard him calling my name, I said, “This was just a booty call.”  Needless to say, we made love, and then I was fired immediately.  Just kidding.  I wasn’t fired.  Immediately.  I probably will be now.MORE

I Wanna Make…

I Wanna Make…

…a special candy powder you put on tongues so when you french kiss someone, it turns into this amazing flavor.  It’s about time to take frenching someone to the next delicious level.MORE

Ranch Corn Nuts…

Ranch Corn Nuts…

…are really kinda fuggin’ gross, but I can’t stop eating those stupid things.  Do you wish the flavor ranch would shatter your teeth and stick in your gums for day?  That’s corn nuts.MORE